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キレイになりたいーー容貌コンプレックスについて(その1)

  久し振りに日本の女性誌などを見てみると、「キレイになりたい!」という願望がひしひしとうかがわれます。その成果もあってか、確かに日本の女性はとても若々しくきれいな方が多い。海の外から見ると、よくわかるのです。

 そしてそんな「キレイになりたい」という思いに、少し距離を感じる私です。それはなぜ?と自問自答してみたら、美しさを100点満点とすると、「自己評価40-50点でまぁいいかと言える自分」になっているから。

 うーん、我ながら40代後半ともなると、開き直りか?しかし、その背景には、私自身が20代から30代前半まで深刻な容貌コンプレックスに悩まされ、軽度うつと開所恐怖症を併発したこと。その後心理学、ヒプノセラピー、NLPを学び、自ら実践するうちに乗り越えることができた、という経緯があります。

 容貌コンプレックスに悩んでいた時というのは、「キレイ」というのは遠い目標で、「人並みになりたい」「普通・まともな見かけだったらいいのに」というのが心からの願いだったんです。きっとその当時の自己評価は5点くらいだったんでしょうね。

 それから比べると、今の自己評価は相当高い。(笑)そして、目標が低かったおかげで、今は「まぁいいか」と言える。(笑)これも過去の容貌コンプレックスのお陰??それがあったからこそ、今何かから解放されている感覚があります。

 人知れず戦っていたちっちゃな試練でしたが、ご褒美もきちんとくれました。

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